The Potential Puppy Owner Test

Are you truly ready for a dog? This is a test that every Potential
Puppy Owner (PPO) must pass. After passing, the PPO will be given a
license to begin learning about the breed of his choice.

No physical force, yelling, or cursing is allowed during the test.
Protective clothing or soil-proof clothes are not allowed. Small
wounds and scratches are to be handled in a blase' manner.

Tests will be held in a variety of environments and PPO will enter
brush, woods etc with a happy face.

Any PPO seen wiping dog hair or saliva off his clothing will not
pass.

The tests:

PPO must control a highly stimulated 10 month old male GSD puppy. PPO
must be able to get the dog to do a down in two minutes. Flat buckle
collar and nylon lead only.

PPO must stand between a 14-month-old Golden Retriever and a field.
The handler of the puppy will then throw a ball directly into the path 
of the Golden. PPO must stand his ground and take his clobbering in 
good nature.

PPO must attempt to trim the toenails of 3 Chinese cresteds without any help
from friends, and w/out earplugs. Prior to attempting this they must submit,
in writing, at least 3 plausable explanations that could be used to convince
any authorities that are called by neighbors that the animals are not
actually being tortured or abused.

PPO must serve dinner to 6 Rottweiler puppies, not older than 6 months 
and not younger than 4 months. PPO must not spill the food and the 
puppies will not be held in any stay position.

PPO must quiet 4 Shelties, or 6 Pomeranians, when the doorbell rings. 
PPO has two minutes and the puppies must have been handled previously by 
a breeder immune to the noise who lives in the middle of nowhere.

PPO must hold his ground with 10 Jack Russels chasing an animal they
perceive as prey. PPO must hold his leashes and not move more than 6
inches. No corrections may be issued, but PPO is welcome to try to
distract them.

PPO must walk 2 Great Danes on ice. PPO must not move more than 100
feet.

PPO must play with a Newfoundland after the dog has been swimming in
a pond. He must attempt to dry himself with a dishtowel. At no time will 
the PPO appear to be disgusted.

PPO must leave 3 Huskies alone in his home, uncrated, for 3 hours.
PPO is allowed to cry upon return.

PPO must groom an adult male collie blowing coat completely within 25
minutes-ears, nails, teeth and coat. The dog will have been recently
bathed to give PPO a fighting chance.

PPO must fit a Basenji into a winter coat within 5 minutes. Basenji
cannot have worn a coat before.

PPO must removes thistles from an English Setter by hand with a
fine-toothed comb.

PPO must exercise a Viszla that has not been out for 2 days. PPO must 
not tire out before the dog.

PPO must sleep in the same room as a bulldog. If the PPO cannot
sleep, he must be happy in the morning.

PPO will navigate through 10 small dogs without stepping on one.

PPO must be able to secure a good supply of used plastic bags within 3
days.

PPO must be able to successfully get a dog to throw up in a plastic
grocery bag while in the passenger seat of a car.

PPO must not die of shock when he gets the vet bill for neutering a
Mastiff.

PPO must sit in a closed room with two dogs that were fed broccoli and
beans and exhibit no disgusted facial expressions.

PPO must vow to nurture, love, train and care for his dogs for the
rest of the dog's life. PPO must accept that each dog is an
individual which needs to live in a pack. PPO must vow to educate
himself about the breed of his choice and requirements expected. 

PPO must vow to obtain his dog from a reputable shelter/rescue/breeder.
Furthermore PPO must conduct himself in a responsible manner, 
securing liberties for the rest of the dog-loving community. PPO must 
remain good-humored and remember that for every insane, tough moment 
there will be a hundred more good ones.

PPO must try to be the person that his dog thinks he is.

Nice doggie

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly
drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was
followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then
about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked
him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry,"
said Bill. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Bill
then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My
mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."

Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I
borrow your dog?"

To which the man replied, "Get in line."

Does your dog bite?

A man is strolling through the park and sees a guy sitting on a park bench
with a great big dog sitting next to him. The man goes up to the bench sitter
and says, "Does your dog bite?"

The Bench sitter says, "No, he doesn't."

So, the man reaches out to pet the dog and it practically bites his
arm off. As he stands there bleeding, he says, "I thought
you said your dog doesn't bite!!!"

Bench sitter---"That's not my dog."

A woman goes to the vet. She says, "Doctor, I think there's something
wrong with my dog. He hasn't moved all day."

The vet examines the dog and says, "I'm sorry. I'm afraid your dog is dead."

"Dead! How can he be dead? He was just fine yesterday. Are you sure he's dead?
Isn't there some other test you can run?"

The vet leaves and returns in a moment with a pet carrying case. He opens the
case and a large cat emerges. The cat plods over to the dog and sniffs around
its head. It then circles the dog, sniffing and poking around. After a minute or
two the cat returns to its cage.

"Well," says the vet, "that pretty much proves it. He's dead."

"I guess you're right," says the woman, now coming to grips with what happened.
"At least you did your best. How much do I owe you?"

"$230."

"$230?! For what? All you did was tell me my dog was dead. What did you do
that costs $230?"

"Well it's $30 for the office visit," says the vet, "and $200 for the cat scan."

"In dog years I'm dead"
--Unknown

"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his
water bowl."
--Penny Ward Moser

"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or
fight its enemies is lunch."
--Michael Friedman

"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
--Franklin P. Jones

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back
from a grocery store with the most amazing haul- chicken, pork,
half a cow... they must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
--Anne Tyler

"If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one."
--Andy Rooney

"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face,
you should go home and examine your conscience."
--Woodrow Wilson

"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person
with pets."
--Nora Ephron

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you
are wonderful."
--Ann Landers

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone
should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
--Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
--Ben Williams

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
--Roger Caras

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as
the dog does."
--Christopher Morley

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
--Josh Billings

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
--Andrew A. Rooney

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are
his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true,
to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of
such devotion"
--Unknown

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where
they went."
--Unknown

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We
can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."
-- Rita Rudner

It is reported that the following addition to the Book of Genesis was
discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the
question, "Where do pets come from?"

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day.
Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to
remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be
with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you
will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish
and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as
you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam, and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom,
and all the good names are taken, and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a
reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name,
and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and to Eve, and loved them.

And Adam was comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and
said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a
peacock and believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that
he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."
And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be
with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him
of his limitations, so he will know he is not worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion for Adam.

And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the
Supreme Being.

And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased.

And Adam was greatly improved.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

NEW CROSSBRED DOGS......